Yeah, I admit it.
At some point down the road, I plan to leave deviantArt, and this time, I'm not coming back. It has nothing to do with any of the people here, don't worry, it's just I've been losing enthusiasm for the site itself over time, I haven't really been accomplishing here what I've set out to accomplish, I haven't even improved myself all that much. And the thing is, I'm not really proud of my accounts on other sites either like Tumblr, or Facebook or any of that stuff. I've made them all with the thought that I could use them as a playing field to express my artistry and create projects to help me get where I wanna go, but I've done nothing on them but procrastinate endlessly and fail to go through with anything I've promised.
Now granted, I've been living in LA all year, I've been adjusting to my new surroundings, really honing my craft at my vocational program and making lots of artistic accomplishments there, and I'm trying to better myself in the process. But nothing I've done on the internet has really reflected that, I've actually been keeping most of you guys in the shadows from it and mostly just showered you with all my more negative qualities.
So I've been thinking "Well, maybe I should not just leave deviantArt, but should shut down every account I have on the internet altogether, and then start a new web persona". And I have been giving it a lot of thought, I've been considering having 2 accounts on every site, 1 would be a personal account for mostly blog purposes and sketch dumps and stuff like that, and the other would be a more professional account for my Kombeenanvus Kartoons company, where I would post my animations, my short films, and my finalized official art pieces.
But then THIS thought suddenly hit me.
This isn't the first time I've done something like this! You see, I've had 2 other accounts here, and I hate them both. I've made so many bad decisions, exposed so many embarrassingly bad ideas, whined and complained about so many things, I've been insufferably rude to people who did nothing wrong simply because they said something that annoyed me slightly, and like a douche I picked fights with people simply for not agreeing with me. And both times I've started new accounts I've been like "Well, I can just erase the past and reinvent myself, right?" Well not only was it stupid to assume I could erase the past, but I didn't even really reinvent myself. X_x I've still been that same pathetic, embittered, procrastinating asshole who spends more time complaining than he does actually doing anything productive.
So I'm now thinking "If I shut down all my internet accounts, and start new ones again, what the fuck's gonna change?" Seriously, I have nothing to prove to you guys that my "Fresh start" could truly be a fresh start. Fuck, I have nothing to prove to myself that I'm not gonna go back to square 1 and just repeat a pattern. That same pattern of going nowhere with my immaturity, bitterness, patheticness and failure to ever go through with anything I promise!
So you know what I'm thinking now? I don't need to simply leave deviantArt, I need to get away from the internet as a whole. Now I'm not getting away from the internet forever, but, I'm getting away until I can actually be ready to make a change, until I prepare my "fresh start", have something to show for all those new accounts I promised. If I truly want to reinvent myself, well, I need to really develop my reinvention before I do anything else. But until I can truly be prepared, I think I'll just have to lay low for a while.
You don't have to worry about me, I'll still talk to my friends over PM or email or whatever, but, both this account, and all my other existing accounts will probably be shut down at some point in the somewhat distant future. But, when I feel I'm ready, and I actually have something to present, I will be back! Not on DeviantArt, but I will be back on the other sites with the new accounts I mentioned, but only when I actually have something prepared for them.
In other words...